Thursday, April 15, 2010

Zombified Celebrities:::Shoot? or Push away?







So I was just currently brainstorming the zombie novel I will be writing this summer and I thought about some ideas from zombie movies that I'd like to incorporate in my book. In the remake of Dawn of the Dead, the group in the mall were were writing out celebrity zombie look a likes on the dry erase board and the dude across the way was looking for them and shooting them.

Watch what I'm talking about here. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vl438bQjbmE

I then thought...

What if I ever came across a currently deceased celebrity during a zombie outbreak??!?!?!?

There are a lot of cool dead celebrities out there... Ok first off. If I saw Michael Jackson I'd immediately shoot the fucker before he can get into his Thriller dance. Enough of that. I was a fan at one point but I don't trust him.

But yeah, there are a lot of dead celebrities that I'd have to think about before shooting in the brain. I know it's all about survival but come on, you really think you're going to instantly blow John Candy's fucking head off if you see him coming towards you? First off, no, you wouldn't. John Candy is fat and slow and he's probably the same cool guy dead as he was alive. I'm not shooting John Candy cause he'll probably ask me to go grab a 96 oz steak with him... IT'S JOHN FUCKING CANDY!!!




Hmm. who else?

Patrick Swayze... too early? Nah, him and Heath Ledger could be cool zombies. I wouldn't shoot either of those dudes. If Swayze starts busting out dance moves from that gay dancing movie he was in then I'd totally katana his limbs right off (anyone know where to find a good katana incase that happens?). Heath Ledger seemed like a cool dude. Way cooler than Swayze. Ledger would be a free zombie even though he did Brokeback Mountain. Gay.

Tupac's safe even though Tupac ain't dead. Or is he? I laugh because a lot of people think he's still alive and living in Cuba or something retarded like that. And every time a celebrity dies there's always an asshole who says, "They ain't dead, they're living it up in Cuba with Tupac". I'm like really? So you're telling me the dude who first played Dumbledore in Harry Potter is fucking smoking cigars and drinking Cristal in Cuba with Tupac? People are retarded. Tupac, I'm mad now and you're going down. Sorry bro. Well you're already down but if you ever turn into a fucking zombie I can't let you roam free and eat flesh.

Biggie, I didn't forget about you. You're East Coast. So we'll fly you over to California and eat those people. You're safe.

Quick List
---------------

Bernie Mac - No
George Carlin - No
Zelda Rubinstein (miniature lady from Poltergeist) - No
Corey Haim - No
Mr. Rogers - YES!!!!


Mr. Rogers and gorillas?


Just had a thought! What if Hitler starts a zombie reich? Should I head to Germany just in case? No no no no no no fuck. What about zombie dictators? or zombie murderers? Think about what Ed Gein would do if he came back from the dead. NOTHING, he was into flesh anyway.

I think when it comes down to the cool zombies, they all need their heads blown off. It's a real bitch to (re) kill someone cool but that is what survival is all about. Just think, one day (if humanity returns to its normal ways and the world isn't half destroyed and things like movies and music and Best Buy's and Wal Marts aren't completely destroyed off the face of this earth) I'll be able to tell my kids that I got to meet some of the most famous celebrities...post mortem.

For now. Keep surviving.

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