Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Lucas Jones and the Jersey Apocalypse Part 1

I don't worry about bathrooms in this zombie apocalypse. I think zombies still have their senses and would probably tweak at the smell of my number 2. That's a good thing isn't it? I wouldn't call shitting my pants the perfect strategy for chasing zombies away, but if it clears the way to safety then I wouldn't mind kick standing a log in my Hanes for a while.

I've been in this... disaster? tragedy? end of the world? for about 10 days now. Just like all of those zombie movies I've watched over the years, everything is panning out to be what all of those writers had imagined it would be. They were perfect on the part where a lot of the towns turned into ghost towns, and I was able to go to any store and take what I want for free. The only problem with that is, no one is on Xbox Live right now playing Left 4 Dead 2 or Call of Duty Modern Warfare 2... Those people are living the video game life now, aren't they? What's the point of a cell phone when people are dead or the satellites aren't being controlled? No television to watch shows because there was no one programming a station. This really sucked.

What might be a battle for survival for some people is more like a battle to beat starvation! Just like the flesh eating zombies who are constantly dealing with hunger, I'm on the road trying to find the food that isn't outdated and edible. Spaghettios and Chef Boyardee were considered first class air line delicacies to me. Of course canned goods and preserved meats were the best thing going right now. It sucks that milk doesn't last very long so I enjoyed my cereal as much as I could before those gallons filled with lumps.

So what is my purpose for writing this memoir? Honestly I found a guys Macbook (not air or pro, the shitty one) and I wanted to test it out. I've heard about a million and one different things about Macbooks, and when I saw this one I figured I might as well give it a try being that I had no plans for the rest of the day, or for the rest of humanity for that matter. I was always a PC guy, maybe the zombie apocalypse would turn me into a MAC! I figured I'd write about what's going on just incase something happens of course. Maybe someone will find it some day and see that ZA (Zombie Apocalypse) existed. I'm also just writing this to take my mind off of things. It helps the days go by faster.

What have I been doing for 10 days you ask?

Well the first day I pretty much slept through attacks. That's the awesome thing about living in my friends attic (besides being asbestos free). Here at Rutgers Campus in New Brunswick, New Jersey, there's a lot of kids who need to find a place to live during the school year. I didn't actually go to school there... well no one does now, but you get my point. I was kicked out of my parents house for smoking too much weed and I'm kind of hoping the zombies got those two assholes. I just called my parents assholes, but hear me out. My mom left my father and I a long time ago. What I later found out is that it was because he was cheating on her with some arrogant whore. He married her, he hated me, she hated me, end of story. I hope they filled the bellies of two starving flesh eaters. I'm not going back for them.

I slept through some of the chaos because I was baked from the night before. I usually turn the stereo on blast cause I hated hearing my roommate Jim and his girlfriend fucking every night right below. I felt like Jesus because I was above them and hearing everything they said to each other... even the little things like Jim saying, "Next time I'll pull out in time." That's a phone a call he'll be glad to never hear.

I came down from the attic, and I walked into the living room and all I saw were body parts including Jim's. That's one way to not become a father. I kind of freaked out but then went into the kitchen to get some Waffle Crisp. We didn't have any milk so I took a drive over to the closest 7-11 and there was just mayhem upon mayhem. There were people being chased by zombies, and being eaten by zombies too. I had seen one of my other roommates get mauled and for some reason I just laughed. He was the douche bag who stuck my head in the toilet bowl after he took a dump when I was drunk. Talk about karma. I could have easily done it to him, but no, he had to have his flesh eaten away from his bones by a zombie... oh well..

I started driving with no intention on going back to Rutgers or any place. I ended up going North about an hour and a half to two hours to the town of West Milford. There was a little shopping mall next to a hotel and that's where I've been hiding out all of these days. There are a bunch of families living in here but no one on the outside knows it. I took this MAC from the Best Buy that was in the shopping mall along with an iPod and every CD that I wanted.

My neighbor George next door completely robbed Dicks Sporting Goods of every weapon and ammo that they had. This guy was fucking CRAZY!!!!! He's a very cool person though. He always goes out and brings back food for him, his 5 girlfriends, and I. Yes believe it or not, he's still managing to be a pimp in this zombie apocalypse. He's a big dude and I mean muscular. Ex body builder and believe it or not, a children's book writer. I've never felt safer in my entire life.

Anyhow, George said were gathering a few people and moving out of this place. He said that there's way too many zombies that have been running around here. He managed to get a school bus for anyone that wanted to tag along. I think he said he wanted to leave in two days. Where we were going? I have no idea, but I trust George. He had left me a present on my coffee table in the hotel room. It was a Desert Eagle... I'm guessing I might need this where were going?

Well that's all for now. I will write in this when we arrive at the next destination, if that's anywhere.

Lucas Jones

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Flesh Eating Updates!!!!

Yes, that is a massively huge banner for the guys at HOW TO SURVIVE A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE. These dudes from the UK put on a show and from what I've read, they do a damn good job. If you live in the UK then I seriously suggest going to see these guys perform. I'm hoping one day they come to the States and do a show, but who the hell wants to come to America? I'd rather travel and go to the UK. The UK has lots of haunted history to it and that is something I'd be willing to visit. I watch too much TV, but I from what I can remember there are a lot of haunted castles. That would be awesome!

So if anyone is going to the UK, preferably Scotland, let me know. I'll pay for the boat ride and all. Sorry, no planes for me. Remember Flight of the Dead? how about Snakes on a Plane? Now what if the plane had both of those things.? I rather be swallowed whole by JAWS than to be eaten alive or bitten by stupid slithering creatures...

But seriously, go see these guys. There is a banner above for the "HOW TO SURVIVE A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE RELOADED" site. These guys sold out last years Edinburgh Festival and that means they're about to do it again.

They've been doing tours too so if you can't go to the Edinburgh Festival you can check them out before and after as well. HOW TO SURVIVE A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE TOUR

Click that link at the top of the page with the HOW TO SURVIVE A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE logo and information to go straight to their website.



Project 72

So my friend MJ called me the other day, and she told me about this thing called Project 72. Her friend, or classmate, or someone has this website where they have people write stories for them. The stories can be only 72 words or less. She had asked me to write a few and initially I thought they were supposed to zombie/horror related, but I was wrong haha. I wrote like 4 of them but only 2 were really worth keeping. I had asked a few people to send me some on our new facebook page and I only got one, and it was really good. Definitely better than my two haha.

Here they are:


The blood streamed down my Louisville Slugger bat as I clenched my hands around the rubber grip. My eyes were closed shut cringing in fear. I opened one eye to see if the man was down and dead, he was. I couldn’t believe I had just killed a man who tried to eat my arm. If this is the zombie apocalypse, then I will fight this to the bitter end.

The Return of the Crazies

We kept driving down the long road in search of survivors and food. It’s been 39 days, 13 hours, and 58 minutes since the first attack on humanity hit. It was a biochemical weapon aboard a US Army truck. The truck popped a tire and flipped over into the local towns water stream. Anything with a heartbeat that consumes water was infected. Leaving town was our safest bet... so we thought.

Fellow fan ZACHARY GREEN sent in this one. I thought it was pretty bad ass!


He went to school to pick up his son. He heard, a gurgling scream of horror and pain. Rushing in through the front entrance…The Janitor was seen feasting on the corpse of a child, not his son. It turned…He ran…Down the Hall…Into the class room… “Steven! Come to Dad!”….The Boy Screams…He runs to his Son…”It’s All Going to be Alright Son, alright”…He Screams… As His Son Rips his throat out. The End.

Isn't that crazzzyyy???

Good job and thanks for sending that in Zach. Hopefully you'll write some more, I'll definitely post them.


Zombies Revenge

Are there any video game fans out there? I was wondering if any of you guys remembered the underrated console called the Sega Dreamcast? I'm sorry but that system was beyond awesome. It got such bad reviews though! One of the things that kept me playing that system was House of the Dead 2, anndddddddddddd a little game called Zombies Revenge. Zombie Revenges graphics were very similar to House of the Dead 2's but it was a third person shooter. If anyone has that game, I'll buy it off of you! I think I might need the Dreamcast first though haha...

{ I had a video here, but YOUTUBE is retarded}

Here's a link to check out some gameplay of Zombies Revenge

I think the creators of this were trying to compete with Resident Evil... nothing beats old

school Resident Evil... NOTHING!!! I'm definitely going to the video game swap shop now

and trying to find this game. Definitely a fun one!


The Fourth Kind

I'm not sure if anyone has seen this movie yet but I was bored the other day so I

gave it a shot. Apparently the there was some kind of alien abduction in the year 2000

in Alaska. It was based on true events. Through out the movie they show actual footage

of everything in one screen and then they show the acting part that matches it right next to it.

I really have absolutely no way to explain it other than you see real footage of stuff. It kind

of creeped me out a little bit because you see actual footage of some dude blowing

his wife's brains out. Of course it was in the dark though.

This psychologist who thinks that her husband was abducted by aliens starts experiencing

the same issues with her patients. They all claimed to see a white owl outside of their

window that wouldn't go away. Eventually people start going nuts and the ladies

daughter gets abducted, blah blah blah. People think that she went crazy too even though

there is real footage. It made me think of the Exorcism of Emily Rose because at

the end it pretty much tells you to believe what you want to believe. It stars Mila Jovavich

from the Resident Evil movies. I don't think it's a movie worth buying before you see it

but definitely give it a shot on like Netflix or however.

Still Coming:


I owe you guys a lot!

- I'm still writing worthy Project 72 zombie/horror stories. I'll post some

soon. Hopefully more of my small fan base will do the same!

- I had to re print my Dr. Dale's Zombie Dictionary so it's taking me longer

to do a review. It will be soon though, I promise! I kind of went back to take

more notes on things because there is a lot humor and pop culture

references that make the book 10 times more awesome!

- Still haven't watched Zombie Diaries yet. I misplaced the DVD in

a box full of DVD's. I'm still moving things around. That and I bought

the Muppet show Season 1 and Red Dead Redemption for Xbox 360.

My time has been consumed!

- Still working on the Dead Rising 2 interview/whatever they'll give me!

- I am writing the zombie script still. I changed my mind and won't post

anything on here because it's kind of lame and funnier on camera

(I swear!).

and that's it for now.

Until next time,


Sunday, June 13, 2010

Zombie Digest on Facebook!!!!!

You should definitely join ZOMBIE DIGEST on FACEBOOK

Click that link above and join!

Go now!!!

Thursday, June 10, 2010


So if anyone has seen the new trailer for Eclipse (which is one of the Twilight Saga movies), then they'd see that one of the scenes from the movie shows a bunch of dead looking people coming out of the water slowly. I thought it was a zombie movie at first, but then it showed Edward Cullen and my zomboner went down. It kind of reminded me of Land of the Dead with the zombies in the water and coming up to shore or something... Lame!

Also I hate how Zombieland was barely acknowledged at the MTV Movie Awards even thought it is the top-grossing zombie film right now. Zombieland went in with a $23.6 milion budget and made a little under $103 million. That's pretty damn good. MTV put Zombieland under two categories that were made up just for that show. I know it's all fun and pop with that stupid station but at least give the movie some credit. Of course New Moon won everything.

I really hate those movies. The worst part about it is that New Moon and Eclipse are only 7 months apart from each other. That is two garbage movies in under a year. They put out more Twilight movies than LiL Wayne puts out mixtapes... even when he's out of jail. So retarded.

So a few weeks ago I did a post about the people I'd want by my side in a zombie apocalypse and for some reason, this totally slipped my mind. I'd totally drop robocop for Mr. Tim Allen or Tim the tool man Taylor! At first Bob Vila came to mind and I thought of how craftsman like he is. Then I thought about all the crazy and cool things that Tim Taylor has created for Tool Time. Definitely adding his name to my troupe.


Bought Zombie Diaries for $7.50 at Walmart the other day.

I stopped reading Monster Island and started reading and taking notes for my book review on Dr. Dale's Zombie Dictionary: The A-Z Guide to Staying Alive.

Started writing for my zombie comedy sketch/movie/whatever my heart desires! It's going to be brutal and funny. Should be out once I decide not to be lazy and put everything together.

I've trying to reach Capcom to speak to someone about doing an interview for the upcoming release of Dead Rising 2. I know it's a known thing, but just a reminder that Dead Rising 2 will be a Co-0p game. That means you can walk around Vegas or wherever, and just destroy fucking zombies all day long.

Anyone play L4D or L4D2 or Resident Evil 5 or even Call of Duty World at War (just for nazi zombies) and or Call of Duty MW 2? My xbox 360 gamer tag is: x arty mcfly x

Also in video games, I was reading on some site that it's going to take 8 years for Resident Evil 6 to come out. Why do they do that? Why do the best games take forever to do a sequel?

So I had an idea to expand my zombie horizons and try to think of something creative to do other than blog about it. I was thinking of going to certain shopping places and video taping certain items that would be good use incase you got stuck in that specific place. I was walking around Walmart the other day and I saw a few things right in the open that would make life so much easier during the apoc. The Walmart in New Jersey does not sell guns. So the next best thing would obviously be something light and sharp. They sell more knives than... a knife store? They had machete's right in the open. Anyone can buy a machete, even a kid. I thought to myself, "I'm taking like 4 of these!" My downfall of Walmart would be their chair and pillow section, sometimes it's hard to walk through there and not want to jump on the couch and just put a few pillows behind your head, and just passsss out.

As I write this, I'm adding more to the beginning til the end. I'd tell you to read this from the bottoms up, but where's the fun in that?

Ok that's all for now. My next post will be an excerpt from the sketch I'm writing.

Keep Surviving!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Very small and brief post. Seriously, only read if you're bored. I'm not kidding.

Totally just forgot which e-mail I used for this account. That's how unintelligent I am.

Not much to talk about this time around. I'm currently dealing with a lot of shit lately. I have two papers to do for school that are due on Sunday, girlfriend just dumped me for reasons that made no sense whatsoever, dealing with doctors for my surgery, mom's been in out of doctors and having to do a few things for fellow zombiites (zom b ites). My lifes been packed basically.

Just watched the remake of the Crazies the other day (no movie review but if I had to I'd give 3 1/2 brains). I never seen the original so I can't compare it to that but overall I enjoyed it. For some reason critics bashed yet another decent horror movie. I thought it was okay honestly. One thing I will say though is that a lot of zombie flicks get a good % over at . Also watched the People Under the Stairs. I don't know if I'd consider that a zombie film or not. Those zombie looking things in the basement... looked like zombies haha. They ate flesh in the movie, but they didn't seem dead, rather just caved in people that turned to stone age like guys. It's a good thing Daddy (from the movie) gave them all flashlights because they wouldn't be able to see their pray. It had one of the colored kids from Mighty Ducks in it. I had seen the movie a real long time ago, maybe when I was like 6 or 7.

I decided that I'm probably going to make a zombie short just for fun. It's summer time and I need to feel like I'm a busy person so I'm writing like a 10-15 minute zombie script for my friends and I to film. Yes I get that bored. I was tossing around ideas on what causes the zombie outbreak. It has to be dumb so probably red jello... or blue... I like blue.

So we are having yet another year full of celebrity deaths it seems. Of course the whole world knows about Gary Coleman and then Dennis Hopper died. One of the Golden Girls just recently died like... today. But I'm going to take the focus back to Mr. Dennis Hopper. I was shocked when I heard that he died. This guy is a legend especially to the horror genre. He played King Koopa in the Super Mario Bros movie, he played Paul Kaufman in Romero's Land of the Dead, the evil Howard Payne in Speed, and to me his most memorable role in The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 as Lefty Enright. I was a huge Texas Chainsaw fan as a young kid and he was probably the coolest character out of the franchise (fuck you if you disagree!!!). To think that people didn't know who he was when I said he died... so sad. RIP sir, you were awesome.

I talked to a popular Youtuber the other day through Facebook. He goes by the name of Shawn C Phillips aka Coolduder is his Youtube account name. He's been promoting a movie called Zombie babies which is a Eamon Hardiman film. Zombie Babies just sounds awesome. They really need help getting a jump on this film and I know they were only looking for $500 which I'm sure isn't really much of a boost. I know they reached their goal and then some but I'm sure a little bit won't help. If you donate to them you definitely get rewarded with a bunch of cool shit. I'm definitely donating next week when I get paid.

Here's the link. I think it's a good thing to help out directors and writers who are willing to put their best efforts to entertain the world. Gotta start somewhere.

You can also check out Shawn C Phillips Youtube page because this guy knows his movies. He does a lot of dvd reviews because he has a massive collection of movies. Any video that I picked that he recommended has been worth the watch. If you like 80's and 90's films with a mix of today, definitely check out his site.

You've Got Dead on You just keeps getting better and better and better.

I read somewhere that there is going to be a Romero blu ray box set collection... I will eat someone's poop if that is true. I'm serious. Find me some info and then send me the poo via UPS.


I want to celebrate the 100th visitor to my site. So if you read this, and it says 100, tell me your name and I'll throw you a free sticker that I'll cheaply make on my computer.

Ok that's all for now. I'll update with some worthy posts next week when I have school and drama out of my way... but for now

Keep surviving.