SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD MOVIE REVIEW!!!!

Since December of 2009 I have failed as a zombie fan to get my chubby fingers on a copy of George A. Romero's Survival of the Dead movie. I mean sure, it wasn't released in the United States yet but if I was a true zombie fan, I would have found a way instead of waiting 2 weeks prior to the American theatrical release.

I'm well aware that I was supposed to have a review earlier on in the week because I did get an advanced copy. I was just about to watch it with friends and then the opening 5 minutes or so was too gory for a 21 year old man in which he stated, "Hey you guys, can we watch like a comedy instead, I don't like this kind of stuff". Being a nice a person my one friend John and I just laughed at him, called him a bitch, and turned on something else. Then I realized this, I've always supported and went to theaters to see a Romero film. Why should I even change my ritual? I mean downloaded it and all but Romero deserves all the support and credit in the world. I went to my local theaters and here I am ready to fill my small group of fans (who have probably seen it half a year ago) void of zombie greatness.

SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD

Okay, to start this off, I just want to say I like how George A. Romero twists it up a bit. I like how the National Guard soldiers were the same people from Diary of the Dead.

I have mixed feelings really. I really liked the gore in this movie. It wasn't that much but towards the end when you see the dudes body get pulled apart and you see his spine totally made up for it.

When I watch Romero films I watch them with the intent of finding a new zombie story that isn't all about finding a safe place and escaping a mall, town, hospital, etc... I look for something different in each one. Romero is the Godfather of zombie films. Some of this movie has its humor with the way zombies are killed. I think the fire extinguisher is my new favorite weapon haha. The dynamite scene was funny as well.

In SOTD you find two families battling on Plum Island. You have the O'Flynns where Patrick O'Flynn is their leader and then you have the Muldoons where Shamus or Sheamus or whatever his name is running that family. Patrick believes that the zombies should die. He and his army set out to destroy and living dead in the area. On the other side, Shamus tries to stop people from killing the living dead. He believes that they all should live and kept alive in hope that there is a cure. He also believes in trying to teach zombies to eat animals instead of humans.

The National Guard come across a teenager in the woods and they all meet up with the others from Plum island some how... You'll have to watch the movie for yourself because I'm not spoiling anything!

Romero has a way of making the viewer feel bad for the zombies and really root for them in his films. There's always a message and that was really justified in Land of the Dead. Just seeing how they were excluded on the outskirts of a building where everyone lived happily. They used zombies for entertainment and such. This movie also makes me think of Fido in some parts. The Muldoons are the one family in zombie history to try to give the living dead a real fighting chance.

I'll give this movie @@@@ brains out of 5. I really liked this movie for the twists and turns that come out of it. You never know how a Romero film is going to come out and when you see it, you're usually pleased. Through the years a lot of zombie films have been lagging. I'm not going to lie, I wasn't big on Diary of the Dead. I think this movie made up for it though. It's totally worth the watch I think.

The movie is out now in America. Go see it, spend the $10 and don't eat anything if blood and gore turns your stomach. This isn't a disney movie.

Lost had zombies right? Well were they vegetarian? OTHER NEWS

Wanted to give a HUGE fucking thank you to Jason Phelan (creator of some fine digital art and maker of Unicorn Pee beer) for the awesome banner logo he made for the site. He's done some projects for me over the years and never ceases to amaze me. Unfortunately he doesn't do it more because I really enjoy it. I'll have to start creating a lot of projects just have him create stuff haha. Thanks again dude, you're the best!

Okay so remember I said I was going to watch Survival of the Dead? Didn't do that. Twas a busy weekend for me. I watched the LOST finale and got pretty damn emotional.

I know LOST isn't zombie related fully but a lot of them had died and came back to life which kind of makes them a zombie. Sayid was dead and came back to life and even Sawyer called him a zombie. There's my segway you bastards!

It was rough to watch. I've only been watching the show since mid/late March and still, I felt the heartbreak that all the true LOST fans felt when Jack's eyes closed. I feel like beating people up with a katovel right now (Katovel is featured in the You've Got Dead on You podcast on iTunes, CHECK IT OUT!!!!). But anyways, that show is probably one of the best shows I've ever seen as a whole. I don't recall watching a show's series finale either. Not many shows I watched in life were worth watching to the end. LOST, was definitely one of those that had the potential to make it to the end.

ZOMBIES ZOMBIES ZOMBIES!!!! I GET IT!!! RELAX!!!! OFF TOPIC!!!!

Does anyone know the odds of a vegetarian zombie? How would that work genetically? I imagine there'd be some kind of error in the DNA mutation to make a zombie start craving a head... of lettuce. Wouldn't that be wickedly stupid though?

"DON'T SHOOT THAT FUCKING ZOMBIE! HE'S A HERBIVORE!"

He obviously wouldn't make it with all fire arms that will be loaded during the apocalypse. If I found the one veg eating zombie I'd take him into my home. He'd be like a cooler version of Bub from DOTD. He'd be completely brain dead but at least he'll appreciate the nice garden salad I'd make him. He or she can live out in my backyard and share the grass with the rabbits and such...

I'm sorry that's odd.

OTHER HORROR NEWS

So I apparently did not hear about the remake of Childs Play. Is this for real? I was seeing on IMDB that it is real and the coolest part about it was that the dude who did Chucky's voice in all the prior Child's Play movies is doing it in the remake. That's pretty bad ass right? I hope they let the original Andy have some kind of part or cameo because they've been pretty shitty to him over the years.

I wonder what the doll will look like. I hope they don't fuck around with this cause then I'll put some voodoo soul into my own doll and have it terrorize some fucking idiot who decided to ruin a good flick.

Hollywood is running out of ideas for movies and they just have an itch for re-doing movies. This pisses me off sooooo much but oh well, nothing the fans can do but sit back, wait and resist buying a movie ticket in hope that an original movie won't be destroyed...

It's only Child's Play though. I mean when I was a kid I loved to play Zelda and watch Chucky. No lie, I had a dream that Chucky was coming after me when I was in the bath tub but it was Link who came out the drain not Chucky. I then walked to my window and saw Chucky throwing wooden barrels at the window where I was standing. Guess who doesn't play Zelda anymore? Damn right kiddies.

That's all for now. I hate not having something important to say.

Zombie Goodies

Ok Survivors, I've neglected you for 11 days now and that's not cool!

I've been currently dealing with yet another nagging tooth pain and headaches that leave me incapable of leading you guys from a zombie takeover.

I need nice teeth right? What the hell am I supposed to do when I become a zombie? My brain won't be able to function enough to grind human flesh into a blender and drink it from a straw! I need nice teeth so that when I become a zombie I can chew through some of the toughest flesh ever!!!!!!

Ok So I wanted to make a vlog for this blog in my new post but failed miserably. I had gotten some cool zombie things that I wanted to share with you all and post it as a video but instead, you'll just get the normal pictures.

WHAT I GOT?

FROM AMAZON:

Monster Island by David Wellington

Free Read of Book

This book is actually published online for free but I hate that so I bought the book. It was only like $10 and I was looking for something new to read so I picked this up. I'm only like 3 chapters into it and so far so good. I will eventually do a review on this book and brain rate it.

The Zombie Survival Guide Notes Journal

This is pretty cool. It's a mini journal that's about as tall as a soda can and as wide as two cell phones (worst measuring examples ever). It has a lot of room for you to write notes and zombie related things inside. I had intended to write my stand up comedy inside of it until I noticed that it randomly had pages that explained certain things from the actual novel. Like when I turned to a certain page it would show something about destroying your staircase. But for $8 you can't go wrong with this cool thing.

The Zombie Survival Guide Card Deck

These were an awesome pick up. It's just a deck of cards that basically makes up the Zombie Survival Guide book. It takes all aspects and strategies of Max Brooks' famous novel and puts the highlights in card form. This is so fucking cool, I can't say that enough. I don't remember how much money they were but I know they're under $10. I'm reading some right now. I'm reading the Solanum card right now as we speak.

FROM K-MART:

I don't ever shop at K-Mart...EVER!

House of the Dead: Overkill

Why this is underlined right now is beyond me. It's annoying. BUT, anyways. Definitely picked this up at K-Mart even though I linked it to Amazon, I hated going into K-Mart. That place was just outright dirty. Right when you walked in they had gloves, masks and hand sanitizer wipes to clean off of your shopping cart. It smelled in there. Of course I didn't see any of that until I was leaving. I guess they didn't want any zombie germs to spread? Or was it just swine flu. I haven't heard about that in a long time... weird. But this game was $20 and well worth it. I get to kill zombies and the dialogue in this is amazing. It's definitely made to seem like a Tarantino flick. If you have a Wii, pick this bad boy up asap!.

SHORT BUT SWEET NEWS

- I got my hands on a copy of Survival of the Dead so expect a movie review on that within the next few days. I want to get it in before it's American Theatrical release.

- I will do a review like I said before on the Monster Island book. It's going to take a while to finish though due to my school and life schedule. I read it as much as I can.

- Looking for contributing horror writers to write on whatever they feel like. I have asked a few people and looking forward to seeing what happens.

- Bought the game Alan Wake, played it for a few hours, that game creeps the hell out of me haha. Awesome game so far.

- Might have some interviews with some Youtube celebrities hopefully. Haha I called them celebrities. I mean they have more of a following than normal.

That's about it for now. I'll have some posts up in a few days. Thanks to anyone who reads this again. I would really appreciate some feedback.

E-mail me if you have any questions, comments, or even want to help expand Zombie Digest.

arthurkellycomedy@yahoo.com

artydroid@gmail.com

Keep Surviving

Arty K.

If 5 Could Join Me

Survivors,

I was asked the other day a question by one of my friends. This question was damn well worth enough for a post on my blog.

Apparently my friends can’t think of unique questions cause the question I was asked was like a mixed question with a bunch of MySpace and Facebook surveys questions in one!

Make sense?

QUESTION: What 5 television or movie characters would you like to have behind your back during the zombie apocalypse?

Now before I answer this question, let me just say I thought deep and hard for a very long time about this. I chose my answers wisely and as badly as I wanted to use people from zombie movies, I didn’t. Trust me, Tallahassee from Zombieland is definitely an ass kicking zombie master. But he didn’t make the list.

These people did.

FUCKING ANSWER!:

1. Dexter Morgan from Dexter:

Has anyone ever watched Dexter? The serial killer killing killer who works for the Miami Metro forensics as a blood spatter analyst. That’s right, he’s a serial killer who kills bad guys only.This dude has a whole bag full of knives and drills and shit. He’d be awesome to have around. I mean sure he should carry a gun on him but he’s quick and isn’t afraid to kill anything.

2. Sylar from Heroes:

If you’ve ever watched Heroes than you’d know how really bad ass Sylar is. This dude is epic. I know it’s completely insane to trust the dude but he’s beyond deadly. He’s a mutant sponge which means he has everyone’s powers from Heroes which means he can’t die cause he’s been near Claire. Fuck it, this guy can whoop some zombie ass with the tip of his finger. Since he can fly and all there’s a good chance he probably wouldn’t stick around, but oh well. It would be nice to have his killing expertise!

3. Sawyer from Lost:

What would a zombie killing group of survivors do without the arrogant redneck in their group? Sawyer’s asshole ways and good aim will probably be needed when it comes to killing. He is fearless and is willing to do just about whatever it takes to survive. Sawyer’s personality might clash with others but that’s tough shit. He’s coming aboard.

4. Robocop from Robocop:

Yes I want fucking Robocop along with us. Dude can’t be transformed into a zombie because he’s a robot. He’s got a sweet gun which can add to the zombie ass kicking. I might take his gun and switch it with like a magnum or something. I know it won’t fit into his leg holster but Mr. Cop’s going to have to deal with that problem on his own. The only problem is I don’t have any of that brown poop stuff he eats in the movie... I wonder if it’s actually poop. Then he’d have an unlimited supply for a long time... ok that’s kind of gross but it’s survival haha.

5. Scarlett Johansson:

Strictly for her (ass) kicking abilities.

Ok she’s so hot and I couldn’t stand surviving in a traveling sausage fest. That’s that!

So I got a copy of Survival of the Dead which has been out in the UK for quite some time now and I never thought about downloading it from a torrent site until now. It’s hitting theaters soon but I’d like to watch it and give a review on it before then just so I can seem cool and important. I’m going to review it from a zombie fans perspective only. I’m not a movie critic haha. I don’t listen to movie critics anyway. They anger the shit out of me. All in all I don’t mind being one myself though.

Whatever.

More blogs to come. Thanks to all the sites giving me a plug. I really appreciate it all.

til the next blog.

Keep Surviving.

Mom, Romero, Plugs and... stuff

This is a funny story that I must share. I had intentions of writing a relevant zombie post but I unfortunately didn't get a chance to finish it yet so instead I'll just share this with you.

Whoever the hell reads this haha.

I was talking to my mom about horror movies and the blog that I'm doing. She asked me if she could read it. We started talking about zombie movies that she's seen and although she hasn't seen many new age ones except for Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland (and I think she seen Flight of the Living Dead). She knows all of the "of the Dead" movies that Romero has done in the past. She was telling me all about the original Dawn of the Dead and Day of the Dead, and she even tried to explain to me about the black and white Night of the Living Dead. Thanks mom for the heads up, but I'm pretty sure I saw that one.

Since she was on topic I went ahead and said, "Hey mom, you do know Romero has done movies past 1990. They're just as good as his older ones". A bit of sarcasm led to her response which was this, "Who's Romeo?". Did my mom just say Romeo? I corrected and said, "George A. Romero? The mastermind behind the zombie films that you just mentioned." She was clueless! My mother who has seen a lot of his earlier films even the non zombie ones, was completely clueless on who the hell George A. Romero is. That's almost like an insult.

There's gotta be punishment now right? Does she deserve to be included in my zombie survival plan? I don't know. I mean it is almost mothers day so I can let her slide one time but I mean this is nuts! haha.

Yeah yeah yeah it's not that serious I know.

I'd like to do a few plugs as well.

MUSIC:

http://www.myspace.com/childrenofthenightmusic

These guys do Misfits style acoustic music. It's pretty intense stuff.

http://www.myspace.com/acousticmisfits

The same guys who do the Misfits style acoustic music. This time they're doing acoustic covers

http://www.myspace.com/thenightlifenj

Good friends of mine. They're really hard working guys when it comes to their music. Definitely worth the listen.

OTHER STUFF:

http://deadonyou.blogspot.com/

These guys do a zombie podcast. They're really awesome and they helped promote my blog. Give them a listen.

http://howtosurviveazombieapocalypse.co.uk/

If you're in the UK check these guys out. They do a live zombie survival guide. Unfortunately they're not in the US but see if they're coming near your town.

Happy Mothers Day mom

JUST ADDED: MAY 9TH, 2010

www.horrorschool.com

Awesome horror site where you can talk about anything and everything horror. Go and sign up!

Movie Review: Zombies of Mass Destruction

First! I did mention that I was going to be doing movie reviews. I will talk about the good and the bad of each film. At the end of each movie I will rate it. I have created a rating system just now and it's pretty simple:

I will use brains instead of stars.

@ <-- (imagine it's a brain for now until I learn new graphing tricks)

@ = One of the shittiest zombies ever.

@@= I've seen shittier. Definitely worth the illegal download.

@@@= Decent flick.

@@@@= FUCKING KICK ASS MOVIE!

@@@@@= ONE OF THE BEST FUCKING KICK ASS ZOMBIE MOVIES EVER!!!

I think that's a pretty fair rating.

ZOMBIES OF MASS DESTRUCTION

Horror films in general have failed miserably for a long time now. There are movies that are considered scary because they have a few jump scenes in them and it usually has some kind of shitty plot... blah blah blah. A lot of the better zombie movies the past few years have had known actors in them, for example:

Simon Baker in Land of the Dead

Dennis Hopper in Land of the Dead

Vhing Rhames in Dawn of the Dead

Woody Harrelson in Zombieland

Cillian Murphy in 28 Days Later

I think you get the point.

I'm not saying known actors are a secret solid solution to making a good horror film, it just helps... a little. There are known actors through out the horror world that aren't really known through out Hollywood. Certain actors don't need the all around fame and that's what makes them awesome.

I was sketchy with Shaun of the Dead because I didn't know who those guys were but it ended up being one of my favorites of all time. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost kind of helped me out with a personal grudge I had against unknown actors and shit horror films.

I saw Zombies of Mass Destruction at Wal-Mart and I was curious to see it because on the cover it claimed that it was right up there with Shaun of the Dead (which I knew was bullshit from the beginning but I hadn't seen anything new with zombies in a long time so I bought it). Zombies of Mass Destruction is a part the "8 Films to Die For" After Dark Horror Fest 4 collection. I really don't pay no mind to those movies cause I get them confused with the Masters of Horror collection (which I absolutely hated). So with this being my first one ever, I gave it a shot.

To start off this review, all I'm going to say is that if you're a republican you're probably not going to like this movie.

The story takes place on this island called Port Gamble in Washington. There are a few main characters in this movie. You have the Iranian girl who often gets mistaken for being Iraqi and a terrorist. Then you have the gay couple who come back to the island so the one gay guy could come out of the closet in front of his mother.

The Iranian girl lives next door to a bunch of red necks people. The red neck family encourages their son to talk to her. During the outbreak all of the news stations were saying that zombie outbreak could have been an act of terrorism so immediately the close minded red neck people assumed she was part of the problem and tried to kill her.

The gay couple end up leaving the one guys house because his mom turns into a zombie. They end up at a real Catholic church who try to convert them to become straight.

I won't spoil anything else but it goes to show how dumb founded people really are. The director seemed to have a hard time piecing this movie together. I understand the point they were trying to get across about republicans and some of their racist and anti gay antics. They did it with zombies which is cool.

The gore in this movie is unbelievably awesome. I loved the blood, guts and gore. From peoples faces being ripped off to all of their limbs being ripped off. It was all there.

Choice of weapons in this movie were decent. There were hand guns and shotguns of course. I think the coolest weapon that was used was a machete (Voorhees style). The sound effects were completely lame though. When the Iranian girls father was hacking people to death with the machete it just made like a thud noise. They made a weed whacker look deadly in this movie... no, just no.

Hmm what else...

The ending was typical. I didn't expect anything out of the ordinary, especially since the movie had no real direction.

RATING: @@1/2

I'll give it two and a half brains for the gore, and the semi good acting. If you're a real zombie fan I think you should watch it at least one time. Don't buy it unless it's in a bargain bin.

That's all folks.

Keep Surviving.

DO YOU HAVE A PLAN?

People who are smart and creative are usually good at planning things in life. They can plan birthday party's, weddings, communions, bar and bat mitzvah's, etc... But can they plan out a safe and effective zombie outbreak mission? Probably not. It's definitely rocket science to some people who usually doubt the fact that zombies will take over the world. That's fine, have fun thinking your minivan is a safe place for your little kiddies. In fact, bring a spatula to defend yourself, zombies hate a good spatulin.

SO! Do you have a plan? If you live in my town of Edison, New Jersey you do. Planning isn't as simple as you think. People watch a lot of zombie films and assume it's all about finding a building that's open to hide in. In some ways they are right but certain buildings have more usage to them than others.

I've created a point system off the top of my head that probably doesn't make any sense at all but whatever, let's give it a go.


The main thing's that are needed when trying to survive are:

Food
Weapons
Medical
Livable
Entertainment
Transportation

Now the point system is rated from 1 - 5 of these things #. Of course 5 being the highest.


WALMART

Food: #####
Weapons: ##
Medical: #####
Livable: #####
Entertainment: #####
Transportation: ##

The Word
Walmart is a great place all around to be during a zombie outbreak. They have a shit load of food especially if you can make it to one of those super duper Walmarts with the fucking food store inside too. The weapons are limited in the Jersey Walmarts. We do not have guns or anything that is explosive. Were forced to use knives and any lawn or sports items to defend ourselves. Medical is up of course because of the pharmacy and medical goods. Entertainment is key during an outbreak. If you're positive the zombies aren't able to come in, then it's okay to watch Airbud or the Jonas Brothers dvd's. Transportation meaning, 18 wheeler trucks that were left in the shipping area.


Ok So Walmart got a score of 24 our of 30. That's pretty good. If the place doesn't have more than 20 points then it's not worth the risk. If it's 19 points and you're desperate, it's understandable.

Let's try a few more.

Home Depot

Food: ###
Weapons: #####
Medical:
Livable: ###
Entertainment:
Transportation: ###

The Word:
It has a Nathan's in some of the Home Depot's near me so you'll be able to get refreshments, but not for long. You have all the weapons you need minus guns. Nail guns, axes, saws, and just about the most unimaginable ways to slaughter those dead fucks. It's an untraditional blessing in disguise. It's not really livable unless you can build a bed. But they have bathrooms and it is a big place. Transportation because they have trucks there. Unfortunately with 14 points, you're better off just passing by.


OKay, I'll do one more and then you can do this on your own.


Sports Authority:

Food: ##
Weapons: #####
Medical: #
Livable: ####
Entertainment: #####
Transportation: ##

The Word:
The food situation isn't good at all but at least there is some sort of food there. They have all those sports bars and sports drinks there to keep fit and full. The weapons I gave 5 thingy's because if you haven't noticed, Sports Authority has an infinite selection of rifles, shotguns, and hand guns. They also have bows and arrows along with a complete selection of hunting knives. If you want a challenge at killing zombies then you can head on over to the hockey, baseball, or golf selection and select a weapon of your choice too. Hopefully you can find the key that unlocks the big trigger lock that they put on the guns. The medical is shit, there's probably only sports bandages. It's definitely livable! Blow up your air mattress and grab a tent, it could be a long while before you feel the comfort of your own home bed. Entertainment if you're athletic. Transportation trucks, again.

The point of the point system is to help map out true destinations. It can help you avoid shitty places that have no purpose in your survival. Also, if your town is safe enough to do some light traveling, it's never a bad idea to go from place to place gather items and bringing them back to your temporary safe home.

My Plan in a nutshell

Gather the ones I love most.

Get vehicles to transport to destination.

Find a few 18 wheeler trucks.

Split people up in those trucks.

Truck 1: Sports Authority: Guns, Ammunition, Weapons of sorts, air mattresses, and communication devices (walkie talkies)

Truck 2: Finding a safe spot

Rendevue (hoping cell phones are still working at this point)

Each state has enough Walmarts to accommodate everyone. Luckily for me there is a Costco and a Walmart right next to each other. My team will stop there and build a safe bridge that will connect to both places.



That was a shitty quick run through of the Edison Plan. One day I'll post it on here for people to read. I think I mentioned before in earlier posts that I actually wanted to present it to the mayor of my town but I was scared that they might throw me in the looney bin... Which I'd rather be in than a house... Zombies can't bite through bars.

Who are they really punishing then?

Suckers.

Keep surviving world.